I have recently become aware that my stepchildren are reading this blog. Oh my gosh. I have been honest, even occasionally catty. It’s as if they have been reading my diary or listening in on my phone calls. I know this blog is public and I also know I am blessed to have Michael, Ted and Gretchen in my life. They have grown into interesting, loving adults. Maybe a little too interesting sometimes, but who isn’t?
Gretchen says I can say anything, that she has nothing to hide. Okay. The other night, when we were on the phone for 90 minutes, she told me she had always hated me because she thought her father was cheating with me while her parents were still married. What made her think so? Well, she had come upon a necklace that he gave me early in our relationship. I assured her I didn’t even know her dad when he was still married. I was dating someone else. I met Fred seven months after his wife asked him to move out. He had told me he had bought the necklace for someone else. I assumed that was his wife. Well, Gretchen was flabbergasted to hear that. Twenty-five years of wasted hate. It explains a lot.
We get along all right now, even though we have nothing in common but her father. Gretchen gives the best hugs, second only to her dad, except that she usually smells much nicer.
Unfortunately, Gretchen, Ted and Michael will never be my own children. They have a perfectly good mother back in San Jose. But if they need one in Oregon, here I am. And Michael, who was just here visiting, if you’re reading this, I hope you’re over your stomach flu. Ted, congratulations on your engagement to Shelly. She’s terrific, and it’s about time.
Dear readers, how about you and your stepchildren? Do you feel totally comfortable with them, hate them, or wear yourself out trying to win their love because they aren’t yours? Let’s talk about it.
3 thoughts on “Uh-oh, the stepkids are reading this”
Hmmmm………tough question. I love my step-son but occasionally feel like an outsider. He and my husband are joined by blood and you know what they say about blood! I am very thankful to have him in my life. I’ve been his step-mom since he was 5. He’s 23 now. That’s a lot of Christmas’s and birthday’s, Easter Bunnies and firsts……I cherish them all. And MAYBE I’ll get to be a step granny some day!!
I have a pretty good relationship with my stepsons. But they aren’t mine and never will be. I
agreed when my wife and I married that we wouldn’t have kids. I was ok with it 22 years ago.
Today I’m not. I’ve been keeping my resentment bottled up and this isn’t healthy. I can sense
a major meltdown coming and I’ll say some hateful things. Feelings will be hurt and estrangement
will surely follow. Strangely, I don’t care. I feel like I’ve settle for a lot less than I should have.
What really pisses me off is people who say deal with it. One doesn’t forfeit something as major
as having kids and just deal with it. This blog has taught me a lot. What it’s taught me is that I
should have married a woman young enough to give me kids. Which I’m going to very likely
do. Yet, I’m confused by it. I’ve already done the depression, anger and guilt that one goes through
in a divorce. I checked out about three years ago so I shouldn’t feel very guilty. However it is hard to walk away from 22 years of marriage. Happy or not. Maybe I’m emotionally lazy. We shall see.
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Curious how this has worked out-