So many of you have been writing to me about your childless by marriage situations. I feel for your grief. I share it. Although I like to think I have accepted my situation and moved on, sometimes I want to curse and throw things when I realize, again, what I have missed by not having children. I never really direct my anger at my husbands who didn’t want to have kids with me. I’m more angry at myself for letting the opportunity slip by without taking action.
With my husband passing away, this will be my first year in a long time that I haven’t been married, so I have a new life to build. I get angry that this happened to us. It’s not fair that I don’t have kids or a husband at this age. But you know what? Hanging onto the bitterness doesn’t do any good. God gave me this life, and I need to live it.
Whatever your situation this year, let’s set some goals for dealing with being childless by marriage.
Repeat after me:
1) I will discuss very honestly how I feel with my partner or spouse. I will not hold back, even if I’m afraid that what I say will make him/her angry or sad. They need to know. Silent resentment will poison our relationship.
2) I will decide once and for all whether I can live a life without children. Is this person worth giving up children? If not, I will do something about it.
3) I will find a way include at least one child in my life as an unofficial godmother, auntie or whatever I want to call it. I can find this child in my family, among my friends’ children, in volunteering in my community, or even one of those situations where I “adopt” a poor child in another country.
4) I will find something to be thankful for every day.
5) (this one’s for me) If I am posting as Anonymous, I will start using a name. It doesn’t have to be my real name. It can be serious or silly, but it will help Sue tell one poster from another.
Happy New Year to all.