If you marry someone older, does that mean no kids?

A comment on a recent post–Will he change his mind? Sept. 18–made me wonder how many of us are married to people who are substantially older than we are. The woman who commented yesterday said her husband was 20 years older. He had been married twice before and had one daughter. Now, a few years into the marriage, they’re not only not having children, but they’re not having sex either. She’s thinking about leaving him in the hope she can find someone else and become a mom.

My first husband was only 3 1/2 years older, but that marriage didn’t last. Fred was 15 years older. I admit in my book that he was sometimes kind of a father figure. He had three kids from his first marriage and didn’t want any more, but he was still a fabulous husband, and I’m not sorry I married him. However, in the end, I did give up children and wound up taking care of him.

Does marrying an older man (or woman) mean you won’t have kids? Not necessarily. Two of my older male friends married substantially younger women and both couples had babies together.

It’s a risk. If you marry someone who is more than a decade older, he may not seem old now, but he will always be at a different place in his life than you are, and he will become a senior citizen, with retirement and possible health problems, long before you do. He may well not want to be still parenting in his 50s, 60s or 70s.

So what’s the answer? I think it varies with every couple. What do you think? Does hooking up with an older partner make it likely you’ll never have children?

2 thoughts on “If you marry someone older, does that mean no kids?

  1. I married for the first time at 43. My husband was 42 at that time. We are now 44 and 43. We're both childless. I'm reaching menopause, so I'm out of eggs. The chances with egg donation are kind of low, too, and the possibilities for adoption are not promising. Should I have not married my husband because he didn't have children for me to at least be a stepmom to? Should HE have dumped me for a younger, fertile woman? I mean you marry who it's right for you to marry, and kids are supposed to come from a loving married relationship, not from a sexual encounter by a woman who “wants kids” (no offense to anyone, btw). For me, anyway.


  2. Anonymous, I agree with you. I think you are blessed to have found each other and should not stress over being childless because it comes with your ages.
    Every marriage or partnership comes with some complications, but you love who you love and that's okay.


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