I was going to write about Halloween today and how seeing all those little kids in their costumes makes it harder to be childless. Well, it does, and without kids, Halloween isn’t much fun, but I’m having a hard time concentrating in the midst of the disasters happening in the eastern United States in the wake of Hurricane Sandy. The extent of the damage is unbelievable, and my prayers go out to those suffering from the floods and wind damage.
We have our own storm happening right now on the Oregon Coast with plenty of rain and wind, but it’s nothing compared to what has happened in places like New Jersey and New York. My yard is soggy and my roof is leaking in the laundry room, but Annie and I are safe, my house is not flooded, the walls and windows are intact, and my car is not floating away. If the power goes out, I’m ready with my flashlights and candles.
Now how does this fit with being childless by marriage? I guess we simply have fewer people to worry about keeping safe or keeping entertained in a protracted power failure. Without children, we can offer our time, energy and money to help others whose lives are more complicated. Yes, we are sad that we don’t have children, but instead of focusing on our sadness, let’s reach out to others as much as we can.
What do you think? How do you feel about being childless when a disaster strikes?
Oh, this feels so tacky in view of current events, but I have to tell you that tomorrow is the last day the Kindle e-book version of Childless by Marriage will be available for free. Click here. After Halloween, it goes back to $2.99, which still is pretty darned inexpensive. My novel Azorean Dreams is also a free e-book through Halloween. It’s something to read by candlelight or between trips to the door to give candy to trick-or-treaters.
4 thoughts on “Childless during Halloween and Hurricanes”
It's funny that I found your blog because I'm struggling badly with this issue right now and for some reason especially this week. I had another 'meltdown' on Halloween when we went to visit nephews and friends’ kids who were all dressed for trick or treating. I'm married to a wonderful man who has two late teen kids. Before we were married I knew he didn't want more children, but thought that I'd be close to his kids. After several years, I realize that's not possible. They aren't interested and I'm tired of trying. And now I'm really struggling with my decision to not have kids. I'm 40 and healthy and able and married to my 'dream man' who definitely doesn't want more kids. It's really hard.
Anonymous, I'm sorry you haven't been able to get close to his kids. Believe me, I know how that feels. Now you wish you had your own, and Halloween just rubs it in. All the holidays are tough. Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming. Brace yourself.
Anonymous, I also figured that when I married into my husband's family, they would become my family. But he doesn't have kids – I figured that I'd continue to have a good relationship with my MIL, and be closer to my SIL and her family. Instead, the whole frustration of the wedding planning and trying to be nice and accommodating to all of them for my MIL's sake, that has me emotionally drained, and I discovered along the way that MIL doesn't much care about us anyway because we didn't breed young and irresponsibly the way the rest of the women in her family have (she's made comments about how “wrong” it is for people to wait until marriage for kids, because then they're “too old,” which is insulting to MY family, who have all been VERY nice to the woman). Anyway, I love my nieces and nephews from my older sisters, but it's not quite the same thing. My oldest sister takes for granted anything we do or buy for her daughter, kind of like we owe them that? My second sister is better. She has twins through IVF, and has an appreciation for struggling, plus she and her husband really appreciate the relationship we have fostered with their kids. My next sister acts entitled. She expects others to buy her kids stuff and watch her kids for her…she's even gone so far as to complain to our elderly mom when the rest of her siblings don't acknowledge her kids' birthdays (she's not a nice person, but I guess everyone else is wrong). And hearing her bitch and moan about things that many women would be glad to be going through, that is just annoying beyond belief.My husband is a great man, and we are still trying to conceive though it is looking more and more hopeless. We're trying to plan the holidays with friends overseas, which will be nice to feel special to those people. Oops, sorry for the rant. Guess reading about your disappointment brought out mine.
Nov. 3 Anonymous, this just proves that all families are complicated and can make you crazy. Try somehow to let it all go.