Every now and then I receive comments from people, mostly women, who are struggling so hard with their childless state that I really worry about them. In some cases, I’m even afraid they might be thinking about killing themselves. That sounds melodramatic, but when I read comments like “I can’t go on” and “I just don’t see how I can live with this,” warning bells go off in my head. I have written before about how sometimes it might be a good idea to seek professional help. See “When You Can’t Bear the Childless Grief Alone.” I’m not a counselor; I’m a writer, and I have been in therapy off and on for years. It can be very helpful.
I received an email earlier this month from Lesley Pyne, a woman in the UK who has experienced involuntary childlessness herself and has set up a blog at http://www.lesleypyne.co.uk/news-blog to help other childless women. She is also offering some one-on-one counseling and workshops. She asked me to share her blog and her services with my readers here. My first reaction was no. I thought: She’s treating childlessness as a disability or a disease. Yes, we experience loss and grief, but doesn’t everybody have something they feel bad about? And yes, those who have been unable to conceive or lost babies through miscarriages and stillbirths must suffer far more than I can imagine. But are we making it worse by turning it into a handicap?
However, I’ve been reading the blog, and I can see how it might help people deal with their situations, especially those who are not comfortable with the idea or the cost of going to see a therapist. The “Small Steps to Healing” that Pyle recommends really do look helpful. She also offers a lot of resources and information on childlessness. If you just don’t know what to do with yourself, give it a try. It might help you to find a new way of looking at things, especially if you’re in a situation where you’re trying to decide what to do about your marriage or your efforts to conceive.
And remember, we’re always here for you and you’re welcome to comment or share your stories anonymously. You can also find more links and tips at my Childless by Marriage Facebook page. You do not have to go through this alone.