Would you marry someone who is infertile?


We often talk here about couples in which one partner is not willing to have children. Sometimes they discuss it before they get married. Other times it comes as a rude surprise to the partner who wants kids. But what about situations where one partner, for whatever reason, physically cannot make babies? What if you knew that going in? Would you sacrifice children for love?
I’ve been doing a little reading about marriages in which a partner is infertile. Many of the listings that come up are religious discussions. As you might expect, the Catholics dominate. The main thought is that for a marriage to be valid, the couple must have a sexual union. That means if a partner is impotent, i.e., can’t have sex, and they know it before the wedding, they can’t have a valid marriage. If it happens later, that’s okay. But if the couple is infertile, that does not invalidate the marriage. If their sexual union does not result in children, they’re still married.
Some folks are using the same arguments in their debate about gay marriage. After all, a same-sex couple cannot  procreate without outside help. But they do have a sexual union. I’m not going to get into whether or not gay marriage is a good thing. I think if people love each other, they should be allowed to be together. Period. But it does underscore the question I am asking today: Would you marry someone who is unable to provide the necessary sperm or egg to conceive a child? Or is that a deal breaker?
In my case, I knew Fred had had a vasectomy, and I knew it had taken 16 years for him and his first wife to get pregnant. But in my usual unrealistic way, I figured we could overcome all that and pop out some babies while I was still in my fertile 30s. What if I had known that there was absolutely no chance? What if instead of saying he didn’t want more children, he’d said, “I can’t.” Would I have married him? I honestly don’t know. I think I would have. I really loved him and didn’t have other prospects. But I’d have been forced to consciously choose a life without the children I always thought I’d have. (Yes, we could have had the adoption talk and I would have learned that no, he didn’t want to do that, so the result would have been the same, but that’s a whole other discussion.) 
What if I were the one with the fertility problem? Would I expect a man to give up children for me? Would I be constantly afraid that no man would have me if I couldn’t give him sons and daughters? How and when would I tell the guys I dated? Would I feel guilty about depriving them of kids?
When couples disagree, that’s hard, but infertility is a whole other thing, full of sadness. It’s not a rare thing either. The U.S.Centers for Disease Control and Prevention web site lists statistics for infertility. The percentage of women ages 15-44 with “impaired fecundity” is 10.9 percent or 6.7 million. Stop and think about that. One in 10. On the male side in the same age group, 13.9 percent were surgically sterile (usually vasectomy), 4.2 percent sterile for other reasons and another 5.2 percent considered subfertile, meaning conception was possible but not likely. That’s a lot of guys, nearly a quarter of them.
So how do you feel about that? Would you marry someone you knew was infertile? I would love to hear what you think about this.
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56 thoughts on “Would you marry someone who is infertile?

  1. I just saw your post (AnonymousJanuary 12, 2015 at 12:22 AM) and (Depressed but HopefulApril 2, 2015 at 3:44 AM) it seems like we are near to each other's age, am a guy facing the somewhat same problem I been like dead body, a body who is only breathing but not living all my dream was to have a family with a loving women but my dream is all broken now.. now i.just think about that how lonely my life will get once my parents is gone.. no one gonna accept me for what I am.. as my last hope.am trying this online things.. Am young,educated and ear.. I just want someone special… if someone thinks love in life is more important than other things do reply I hope we can be friends and may be things takes good way

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  2. Thanx sue for posting up my words..
    I know it's not a dating site even am not taking it as one.. it's just if a means can work as blessing for 2people to find someone for their life nothing could be better than it.. may be your blog will bring blessings in life of people.. you know I live in a culture where not even a single women gonna accept it and I even can't think about living my life all alone till the day where I even won't be able to get up from my bed and there will be no one to hear me at all… it's like end to the life bcz of something which have solution.. but people don't understand so I thought may be someone will understand who is on the same boat as like me..

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  3. Well am from Delhi (India) but yeah boundaries is not a problem for me at all..
    I really don't know what am gonna do in my life am young and this problem and having a problem like this means only one thing u are supposed to spend your life all alone bcz no will accept u for what you are.. even though it's a modern era people have become somewhat educated but still there are certain things they can't understand it's because they never have experienced it so it's hard for them to understand how it feels like being in a situation like this where the only feeling u keep getting is just end things.

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