Political correctness touches all areas of life, including childlessness. Friends and relatives who know we’re touchy about not having kids may struggle to say the “right thing” or avoid the subject altogether. Some just say stupid things that make us want to strike them.“Guess you don’t like kids, huh?” “Lucky you, free to do whatever you want.” “You can always adopt.” “Dump the bum and marry someone else.” “You don’t know; you never had a baby.” Know what I mean?
But there are some things we childless folks also avoid saying, things that we think and feel but don’t dare say out loud because then it would look like we’re selfish, we don’t really want kids, or we’re just nasty, trivial people. Have you ever felt like saying any of these?
* I hate you for having children and grandchildren when I don’t get to have them.
* I hate my husband (wife) for not giving me kids.
* My body looks better than yours, ha ha.
* Thank God we didn’t pass on his nose or my butt.
* I’m glad I don’t have to worry about having a child with a birth defect.
* I hate being around whiny kids.
* I have no idea how to take care of a baby.
* Thank God I didn’t have children with HIM.
* My mom had no life; I don’t want that.
* I’m terrified of pregnancy and childbirth.
* Sometimes I’m glad I don’t have children.
* My God, that baby is ugly.
I’m sure I will think of more. Can you add some unexpressed thoughts of your own to the list? Please don’t anyone take offense. We can be honest here, right? Has anyone not thought some of these things?
Childless by Marriage 
HaHa! I don't have anything to add. I just wanted to let you know I appreciate your humor! We (meaning I) need to laugh about this stuff once in awhile!
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Sadly what crosses my mind are…”How on earth did you get to be a mother and I didn't????””They don't deserve their children.””Honestly God. You gave them a child, but not me?????”Hmmm… Am I still a wee bit resentful? Yep. Guess so. 😦
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I continue to have thoughts like these. Such horrible people having kids and I’m unable to (hysterectomy). Feels like I’ve been robbed, and undeserving people can pop out a baby whenever they please. I know it’s unhealthy and extremely bitter of me to think that, but it’s automatic in some situations.
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Resentful? Yes, but it's honest. We think it but dare not say it.
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I love this list!
I recently read a blog post by a woman who was talking about, well, peeing a little when she sneezed, jumped, etc. after having 3 kids. Now every time I encounter a woman with children, especially more than one, all I can think about is whether or not she too has issues with her bladder control. It makes me feel better (and happy not to have that problem) 🙂
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“I could raise those kids so much better than you.”
How come any irresponsible and reckless teenager can be a parent, and I can't?!
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Please stop flooding my fb feed with yet another picture of your “adorable” baby/grandbaby.
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I’ve seen one too many pictures of “baby’s first poop” on my feed.
And too many feeds went from pictures of their pets, themselves, their home, their vacation to multiple baby pics every single day.
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Hee hee. Keep 'em coming, you guys. I love it.
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Adding that if I did have little ones, I wouldn't also join in on the overposting pictures of them. There is a movement, I think out of NY, to raise awareness that it's a) not safe to the child & b) when the child is older, they could easily resent their parents/grandparents for violating their privacy by oversharing information and pictures of them.
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Anonymous I am with you on all three.
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Tired, you're so right. It probably isn't safe to post the baby pictures. Too many crazies out there. I've got kind of a stalker who has been reading my posts back to when Facebook began. He's probably harmless, but it still makes me nervous. If I had kids, I would definitely worry.
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My husband has caught me with my nonverbal comments:1). Rolling of the eyes when I see a mother doting on her baby..2). The wrinkled, snarled look when I have to look at a pregnant woman.
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What I think but don't say…
Why is your ex-wife special enough to have children with, but not me?
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Yes!
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OMGosh!!! Yes, I've said that one a few (well, ok… More like 100 million) times!!
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Here is my list of things I think but don't say:1. Wow, you have aged since having those kids.2. I look so much better than you.3. Your husband is going to have an affair if you continue to talk to him like he's one of the kids.4. Your house smells like a nursing home from all these diapers.5. Your kids are out-of-control because you don't know how to be a good parent.
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I catch myself with these same nonverbal comments – that’s even worse..
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I never thought of asking this question until now. My goodness, I feel like a loser.
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Martin, you're not a loser. Just human. Hang in there.
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Yes! I am so bitter about that! You bred with that crazy manipulative woman but won't with me?!
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What kills me is when I hear moms COMPLAIN about the pains of childrearing. If its really that bad, let me have them. Also recently I had a woman tell me to put things in perspective. At least I didn't have my sister diagnosed with cancer (as hers was, and of course both ladies are mother's). That is supposed to help my heart how??? Did I mention my mom has been fighting cancer for eight years? There are also the mothers who tell me about how much their children love me or how good I am with kids. Seriously that's going to fill one heck of a void in my life!!! When people want to tell me they know how I feel because they tried for three years to have a child before they got pregnant, I just want to punch their teeth out. I'm well past the three-year mark, 10 hrs past it, to be exact, and the desire is stronger than ever.
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#5 makes me mad. I can't enjoy some of our family's kids because of the lack of parenting. Yet I have to watch them live their life. I even dreamed one night that they asked me to raise their kids. That bothered me because it seemed so twisted.
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I hear you, Bought at a Price. You can let it all out here. Probably shouldn't punch anybody's teeth out, but sometimes we just want to hit something, right? People not in our situation just don't get it.
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Exactly this:'Sadly what crosses my mind are:”How on earth did you get to be a mother and I didn't????””They don't deserve their children.””Honestly God, you gave them a child, but not me?????”'Also, 'I get all the hassle of periods, and I don't even get to have kids?''I've hit menopause, and I'm still getting bad stomach cramps because I've never had a baby?''Whoa! I've got to cover classes for someone who's getting her annual holiday entitlement because she was on maternity leave? Seriously? But I've gotto beg for a day off to visit the doctor with my mother or my husband?'I'm afraid I actually said this one out loud: 'Your first wife runs off with another man, but I'm hopeless, because I'm slow to organise the dinner? You adopted with that, but you wouldn't with me?'
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Our government budget was revealed yesterday. Our health care premiums went up – guess whose went up the most? Childless couples.
Now I’m thinking why do we get no perks? Why are we penalized to support the unwed young mothers who can’t afford to pay for their kids?
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Another comment – bitter much?
I was listening to a presenter today on anxiety. They asked who had children and had ever experienced their children go missing. This was used to expand on a point about feelings of anxiety. Of course, I could not connect, but since it’s the “societal norm” to have children, they obviously thought this would be a great example to use to allow most of the audience to connect. I couldn’t. Can we not remove ourselves from a society that values children and puts the needs of families at the center of EVERYTHING? Why do I have to be made to feel like an outsider because I don’t have children? Why are we made to feel that the parent club is so exclusive and special? I am hurt by the “parent jokes” that are thrown out so haphazardously – as if it’s something everyone understands – or is supposed to understand. I hate the way I need to sympathize with parent problems – but no one seems to sympathize with my hardships. I am expected to understand that parents work hard, are busy and are sleep deprived as if it is the ultimate sacrifice. But in the same breath, I am also told I will never understand the love and joy that comes with having children or it’s only something a parent would understand. You can’t have it both ways.
Thank you for offering this space for letting me vent my hurt, anger, and frustrations in this community.
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Just substitute “dog” for “children” and I’m good.
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