Did you survive the Mother’s Day mania?

Sue Fagalde Lick childless on Mother's Day, Facebook on Mother's Day, Mother's Day, Mother's Day at church, , , , , ,

Mother’s Day is over. Thank God. With no kids and no mom, I hate that day. This year, I had my meltdown on the two days before. I was too depressed to do anything. At church Saturday night, I played terribly and felt like the whole church was looking at me sitting up front at the piano when our new pastor asked all the moms to stand for a blessing. Afterward, I parked my car at a spot overlooking the ocean and cried. Then I went to dinner alone in a restaurant full of families. The young waiter kept calling me “ma’am.”

Making matters worse, my sister-in-law and niece were hosting a baby shower for my nephew’s wife, who is pregnant with her third daughter. I probably couldn’t have gone, but it would have been nice to be invited. Endless Facebook posts about that, topped off with a picture of my brother’s family—seven people with kids and grandkids—did me in. There’s only one person in my family photo.

I did better on the actual Mother’s Day. I got the day off from church and mostly avoided the media and other people. I played the piano, did online puzzles, read, watched videos and took the dog for a long walk. Later, I went out to jam with musician friends. Renae, our hostess, greeted me with “Happy Mother’s Day if it’s appropriate.” “It’s not,” I said. She grinned. “Me either.” We had a great jam. (You can read about it at my Unleashed in Oregon blog.)

Over the weekend, several people tried to wish me happy dog-mom day, but it’s not the same, as some of you have already commented. I adore my dog, but she’s not going to give me a family photo like my brother’s. And all those sympathetic posts addressed to those of us who are missing our mothers or feeling bad because we don’t have kids were posted with good intentions, but they made me cry.

On Monday, I thought it was over, but now everyone had to post photos from their happy Mother’s Day celebrations. Moms and kids all over the Internet. I’m happy for all of them, but they’ll have to forgive me if I had to stop looking.

How did you do? Did you spend the day weeping, cursing, calm, or stuffing down your feelings? Did you manage to escape the mother mania? Tell us about it. It helps to let it out.

Guys, your turn is next month. Father’s Day. Sigh.

Happy . . . Wednesday!

16 thoughts on “Did you survive the Mother’s Day mania?”

  1. I stayed home, off the internet, and under the covers all day on Sunday–listening to audio books and ignoring phone calls and text messages. I read several “Happy Mother’s Day!” messages the next day from acquaintances who have no idea the hurt it causes me, and I wanted to sucker punch someone. But instead, I met a dear friend & we planned our yearly girls’ trip to the beach…child free, of course.

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  2. Hard for me to escape Mothers Day, as my husband is a Pastor. I take on the role of honoring the mothers, hoping that would alleviate the obvious fact that I’m the only one in church with no kids. I saw a beautiful picture of a family I know. About 10 of them and realized, “I will never have this,” My husband decided after we were married that he didn’t want kids. Already has one with his ex-wife. I’ve been a basket case on the inside, outside is still holding up well. I got wished happy dog mom day as well, makes me even sadder. I wish people would stop trying to put on a band-aid or trying to make things better by saying annoying things. They have kids, they will NEVER understand how I feel. I just want to be left alone.

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  3. I worked. So I thought because I was getting out of the “honoring of the mothers” at church, the day would be a lot easier to handle. Nnnooo! I had to deal with ‘well wishers’ anyway. When I would tell people that I’m not a mother, the very next question out of every person’s mouth was…”Well, do you have any animals?” (Because somehow people think that having an animal takes the place of a child?!?!?) I just could not help myself. I would look at them like they were dense, then tell them no…I hated animals. (I don’t really hate them, I just do not have a desire to own any.) One person went so far as to ask, “Well have you ever babysat, because that is kind of like being a mother.” WHAT?!?!? Now that was one I had never heard before! I just don’t understand why people are so insensitive to childless people. We are already hurting. I know I feel unproductive in life from not being able to have kids; like I am emotionally stagnant. Thoughtless people make me feel even worse about myself.

    I am glad Mother’s Day is over. Though now I have to build up another wall for Father’s Day next month. My hubby IS a father; he has two adult children. On Father’s Day, I have to plaster on a very fake smile, and pretend I am happy for my husband while taking pictures of him, his kids, and his granddaughter. I do love his family, it is just that it’s…HIS family. I just hope one day I will wake up and actually be okay with being childless.

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    • My husband would get absolutely nothing out of me on Father’s Day. If he wanted to spend it with his one and only child then the door was wide open and he could. But I wasn’t going. I never acknowledged it all in any way whatsoever. If he wanted me to participate in the day, then he could give me a child.

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      • Wow. After rereading my post, I do believe I sound a wee bit resentful. Yep. Hate Mother’s Day. It brings out all the negative junk that is inside of me.

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      • Ditto. Thank you for posting this, Candy. I feel so alone in my situation and I’m grateful to everyone who has the courage to post here.

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      • I use to think the exact same thing, M2L. I never imagined there would be anyone else out there that would marry a guy that doesn’t want children. This is a great place to be. This really is the only place I share my real feelings about it. There is not a living soul in my life that knows how I really feel about it. It feels good to come here and share my real feelings.

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  4. I’m sorry, Sue. Hope this week has been easier for you. I’m so grateful for you and your writing; it helps me feel a little less alone! 🙂

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  5. My wife and I dread that part of the year that is bookended by Mother’s Day on one side, and Father’s Day on the other. We do not have children, and have had cats, Our cats have been Very Important family members, but they are not children. We have nieces and nephews, but they are not our children. We typically practice “duck and cover” this time of year and attempt to avoid all public displays of Mother and Father celebration. We certainly empathize with everyone else who feels that this is not their favorite time of year.

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  6. I am a NotGrandma , no Nana ever for me. My daughter has her own pain, but I am surrounded by my peers who continually shove pictures of grandkids in my face or “hijack” conversations with non-stop boring stories of large, extended families and their cute antics.

    if NotMoms think it is hard now, I hate to tell them to just wait till these mommys become grandparents; their living through their grandkids is equally painful and sad.

    I hate Mother’s Day and I am a mom!

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