Yesterday I received this comment from “Amber” to a post from last year titled “Will I Regret Not Having Children?” It represents so many of the comments received here at Childless by Marriage that I thought I would share it with everyone. It gets right to the heart of the problem. What do you think she should do? How long is too long to wait?
“I am so glad I found this blog today. A lot of others are in the same sort of limbo I am currently in, and it gives me comfort to know that I am not alone. I have been feeling like I need to talk about this subject for a while now, but really don’t have anyone to talk to. I am about to turn 30 (husband will be 31), have been with my husband for almost 13 years and I feel more and more depressed lately about not having the two children I have always wanted. Through the years, there has always been some sort of goal to reach, whether it be finishing college, having reliable income, owning our own home, etc. We have now reached that point and yet again there is a stipulation. Now I am expected to wait 1-2 more years so that I am established in my job and we can enjoy having the extra income my new job has provided. I feel like I am the one that has gone through college and is making this money, if bills are paid what is the problem…?
“We are now financially stable and have traveled around. We aren’t too old or young. I feel like the time is right. Any time I bring up the subject of having a baby, my husband shuts down and/or gets irritated. He says I am obsessed with everyone else and that’s why I am so focused on children. ( like it’s not an original thought that I have always wanted to be a mother.) Honestly he makes me feel like I am crazy for wanting a family sometimes. I want to talk to him about it again, but anymore I don’t feel like I have the energy for the argument that I know it will cause just in bringing it up. I have thought about divorcing, but we are perfect in every area but this one, and i love him with all my being. Lately I find myself resenting him and growing more and more depressed at my upcoming 30th birthday ( and then I get angry at myself for feeling that way, because I feel so selfish).
“As you can tell, I am just a tornado of emotions. I help him and support him in reaching all of his goals and aspirations as a musician. I just don’t understand how/why he cannot meet me half way or try to understand my feelings of wanting a family. The fact that my younger sister is “fertile Myrtle” and social media is flooded with everyone’s new families doesn’t help when I start feeling sad like this either. I just don’t know when to throw in the towel. When do you finally reach that point of enough is enough, before you run out of time and miss that window?”
Thank you, Amber. Welcome to Childless by Marriage. I hope we can help.