If abortion had been illegal 10, 20, or 30 years ago, would you be a mother or father now?
Abortion rights are tumbling across the United States in the wake of the Supreme Court’s June 24 ruling overturning Roe v. Wade. Roe was the 1973 decision that gave women a constitutional right to have an abortion. It’s going to be a lot more difficult to get a legal abortion now. Some states have already outlawed it completely and made it a crime to have an abortion or to help someone else to have the procedure. Those who are able may travel to other, more liberal states, such as Oregon where I live, but many women will find themselves in the same situation that trapped women into unwanted pregnancies before Roe v. Wade.
Abortion was illegal when I was a kid. I didn’t know anything about it because people didn’t talk about such things. For an embarrassingly long time, I thought God gave you a baby when you got married; it came out of your belly button. I’m so grateful for the book my childless step-grandmother gave me that cleared things up.
While no one talked about abortion, I did hear plenty about girls “getting in trouble.” Two of my high school classmates “had to” drop out because they were pregnant. For girls who got pregnant “out of wedlock,” their lives were considered ruined.
Later, my ideas about abortion came from movies where young women went to houses in bad neighborhoods to have the fetus removed by quacks under terrible conditions. Some nearly died and/or lost their ability to bear children. Their lives were pretty much ruined, too.
Many years later, I do know people who have had abortions, including some friends and family members. People say it out loud now. Got pregnant at 15, had an abortion. Something was wrong with the baby, had an abortion. My boyfriend wasn’t ready to be a father, so I had an abortion. It was legal and could be done safely in a clinic or hospital.
For most readers here, abortion has always been an option. Not any more.
What does this have to do with being childless by marriage? Over the years, quite a few childless women have told me they had abortions because their partners did not want them to have the baby. To save the relationship, they agreed to terminate the pregnancy. Maybe, in some cases, the increased difficulty of getting an abortion will mean that they keep the baby. The guy will stick around or not, but they won’t be childless. In other cases, the woman may put herself in danger to have an abortion at any cost.
Maybe, just maybe, fewer women will be childless by marriage because the abortion option is off the table. Or maybe it’s irrelevant because they won’t get pregnant in the first place.
Abortion is a difficult subject. I try to avoid it here, but we do need to look at this decision and what it means for us. What do you think about the loss of Roe v. Wade? Has abortion, legal or illegal, affected your childless-by-marriage situation?
I welcome your comments.
Childless by Marriage 
Sue,
The abortion debate will never, ever be settled. I foresee it being in and out of the courts. I remember when girls got pregnant back in the 60’s and 70’s. And they went away for school. Or they “Had to get married!” I hate that phrase with a passion. I’m very pro choice. I’ve seen what happens whenever kids are brought into bad situations. It’s not good. As far as the effects on Childless couples, I think they take contraception more seriously. Or they will try harder to get pregnant. Time will tell.
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I remember those days too. Pregnant girls would just disappear for a while. Forced marriage never works.
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Sue,
You’re right. Forced marriage doesn’t work. If at all. Several friends and family of mine became teenage parents. But for the grace of God, there go I. Sue, I did fool around in high school and college and I had some scares. I was lucky 🍀. God was a Texas Presbyterian.
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A lot of us were lucky, Tony.
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Sue,
Many of us were very lucky. In retrospect, I see where we were as
a country on the issue of reproductive health back then. Clearly, I think we were very provincial back then. To some degree I think we still are. Sue, I don’t pretend to know the answer.
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I too am very pro choice. Women who become pregnant–and children who become pregnant–should have the right to decide. This should not even be a question. For the childless who perhaps maybe wish they would have continued the pregnancy, I don’t think there is a good answer. Although some may have been able to carry a child to term, become a parent, and have a positive experience, I know the realities are many would not have this option.
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Sue,
Yes we were lucky. If I had a nickel for every “Shotgun Wedding” I’ve been to
I’d be rich. I always have a lot of empathy and compassion for those involved in
these situations. Invariably all of them wish they had a do-over. But it ain’t like that. That’s the breaks of Marine Air. Skid marks in the sky.
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I don’t that happens as often as it used to. Many many babies are born to unmarried women these days. There’s no more “they had to get married.”
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Sue,
You’re very right. I guess we as a society have become more accepting
of illegitimate children. You rarely see
couples who “had to get married”. My views on this are still evolving.
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