Many of us who are childless by marriage are also stepmothers to children from our husband’s previous marriages. It’s a difficult role. I have heard about step-relationships that are sweet and wonderful, but most of us find it a bit rocky. You may not get along with the biological mother. The kids may resent you and keep reminding you that “You’re not my mother.” If you have no children of your own, they are a constant reminder of that fact, plus a lack of experience with kids may make it harder to be an effective parent.
I don’t think I did a great job of step-parenting. My husband was a hands-off kind of dad who did not push to spend time with his kids and grandkids. I didn’t give much of myself to them either. Now that he’s gone, I rarely hear from any of them. If we weren’t Facebook friends, I’d have no idea what’s going on in their lives.
Speaking of Facebook, I recently stumbled into the Childless Stepmothers Support Group there. Its members share their problems and experiences, along with advice and sympathy.The postings are frequent and fascinating. If you’re struggling as a childless stepparent, you might want to do a search for it and join. Only members can see what’s posted there.
Also take a look at StepTalk.org, which bills itself as “the place where stepparents come to vent.”