Got your attention with that title, huh? Well, good. At 4 a.m., I started making this list, and I encourage you to continue it in the comments. Before you say it, I will note that some of these can become you WILL via stepchildren, nieces, nephews, friends’ children, jobs and volunteer gigs.
If you don’t have children, you will never . . .
- Have to worry about the school schedule (unless you’re a teacher)
- Have to find a babysitter in order to go out to dinner, a movie, a party, or a trip around the world. (You might need a dogsitter)
- Have to share your cookies with a child.
- Add any names to your Christmas card signature.
- Have anyone come after you on your family tree.
- Show off pictures of your own children on your cell phone or post them on Facebook.
- Have grandchildren or great-grandchildren.
- Have sons- or daughters-in-law.
- Have to worry about paying your children’s college tuition.
- Have children to list as your next of kin.
- Have to attend Little League or soccer games.
- Learn the latest kid songs (unless you work at a preschool)
- Be required to hang out in a roomful of sugar-crazed children.
- Have to be careful at cussing in your own house.
- Have an episiotomy. (Thank God!)
- Have to watch cartoons before breakfast.
- Share your pregnancy story at a baby shower
- Be a full-fledged member of the Mom or Dad Club.
- Have someone who looks like you call you Mom or Dad.
- Stop answering questions about why you don’t have children.
That’s my list for now. I know you can add some more. And yes, I know you can do all this stuff with other people’s kids or with adopted children, but it’s not the same, is it?
***
This has been an insane week, another one in an insane year. Having my father die would have been enough. But on Tuesday, I was forced to give notice at my job, a job I loved. Our priest has banished half my choir because they dared to hold hands during The Lord’s Prayer. No warning. I can’t live with that. I will be taking my music skills to another church in the area. Meanwhile, today I have learned that my poetry chapbook, Gravel Road Ahead, has been published. Hallelujah. Info here. All of this may have something to do with me being up at 4 a.m., writing with this light-up pen I got from a charity for blind people.