Guest Post: ‘What I’d Really Like to Say’ November 22, 2017November 16, 2017 Sue Fagalde Lick childlessness, mom club, Uncategorized dumb things moms say to childless women, having a child, misconceptions about women who don't have children, what I'd really like to say Dear friends, I am offering you this guest post from frequent commenter “Crystal” while I’m doing the Thanksgiving thing with my dad. Don’t panic at the opening paragraphs. Read on. I’ll think you’ll identify with what she says. Holidays are tough for all of us, but try to enjoy all the good parts and skip the rest. Nov 9, 2017 6:46 PM Hi Sue, I recently saw this post of an acquaintance on Facebook and it was the perfect set up for what I have been wanting to express for my life. I would be ok with you posting this on your Facebook page for me as I am not wanting to put this out there under my name for fear of being ostracized by my friends. People have said to me having a kid changes your life. Not having a baby and wanting one changes us as well. Life is always changing. Be kind to those not-moms out there. A lot of them are hurting and have to go through life knowing exactly what they are missing out on every day. They are true survivors. I would like to give them the credit they are due. Here is a quote from a fellow mom on Facebook: Before I was a mom… I never learned the words to a single lullaby. I never thought about immunizations. I had never been puked on, pooped on, drooled on, chewed on, or peed on. I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts, and my life. I slept all night. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple little grin. I never sat up for hours watching someone sleep … I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much in a great way. I never knew that I could love someone so much before ever meeting them. Before I was a mom… I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart walking around outside of my body .Re-post if you’re proud to be a mom!!! I would like to re-post this for all the not-moms out there. Before I was a mom… I never learned the words to a single lullaby. I couldn’t wait to sing my baby a sweet lullaby…I had several of them on my iTunes account that I memorized the words to. I never thought about immunizations. I researched both sides of the vaccine debate and studied epidemiology, biology and immunology as well as heavy metal toxicology in order to make the best decision for you (future kiddo). I had never been puked on, pooped on, drooled on, chewed on, or peed on. Of course the huge void in my life was a very real loss so I got a dog from a shelter. It didn’t take too long to get potty training down. And I loved Fido as my child. Of course I have always loved dogs, so even if I had a child I still would’ve had a dog just FYI. I had complete control of my mind, my thoughts, and my life. There were many times the hurt was just too much. I broke down and wept, missing the baby I didn’t have. The family I didn’t have. At least two times a year, I would have lunch with coworkers who were moms, and all they talked about was their ultrasounds, birth stories, big sister/ brother moments, taking home baby, etc. I would go back to my office, close the door, and cry for 30 minutes straight. I slept all night. I stayed awake at night wondering why not me? I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I watched people at the mall and admired their beautiful children and hoped for one of my own someday. I never got gloriously happy over a simple little grin. This one is kind of obnoxious, but yes children do make their moms smile, again no surprise here. And again Fido brought us many smiles. I never sat up for hours watching someone sleep. … I watched my husband sleep. The same husband who wouldn’t allow me a child. The one who said he wanted children…someday…but no idea when!!!!!!! I also stayed up all night looking for medical information and reading medical journals trying to find out what my cure was for (insert disease/symptoms here). Finally found a specialist on the other side of the country who could do (insert surgery name/ medical treatment here). I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn’t stop the hurt. I could never explain how much this happened. If Facebook didn’t exist…and when I first wanted to have children, Facebook wasn’t around and this did happen. Nevertheless, I saw all my friends’ cute Facebook photos and announcements, how happy they looked and my heart did break. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much in a great way. I knew. At this point all the not-moms are rolling their eyes. I never knew that I could love someone so much before ever meeting them. I knew. I started taking folic acid supplements in college in preparation. Some of us took parenting classes and childhood psychology classes in preparation. We worked on our careers so that we could provide a safe loving home for our future babies. We were responsible so we could provide a stable family life for our children. We DID EVERYTHING RIGHT. Before I was a mom… I didn’t know the feeling of having my heart walking around outside of my body. Re-post if you’re proud to be a mom!!! All not-moms know the feeling of another mom who is totally clueless. Like if you are proud to be a mom or a not-mom!