I often write here about the need to have THE TALK with one’s partner about whether or not you’re going to have children. But after that talk, we’ll probably find ourselves having another talk–with our parents–about how they’re not going to be getting any grandchildren from us.
If they’re like most parents of adult children, they’re going to start hinting for grandchildren shortly after the wedding. As time passes and you’re not pregnant, they’re likely to start dropping hints, asking questions, noting that you’re not getting any younger, and laying guilt trips about how their friends are all getting grandchildren
How do you respond? Do you put them off with “not yet,” tell them it’s not going to happen, or change the subject?
In my own case, although I remember many conversations about marriage while we did dishes together, I don’t remember telling my mother I wasn’t going to have kids with Fred. I know we talked about it, a lot, when I was with my first husband. Children were still a possibility then. After the divorce, I remember talking about whether or not I was too old–I wasn’t.
But when I hooked up with Fred, did we have the talk about his vasectomy and reluctance to have more children? I don’t think we did. I do remember that my mother took my side when other family members bugged me about kids. When I moped about not being a mother, she insisted I was a mother because I had stepchildren, even though she didn’t have much of a relationship with them.
As for my father, we didn’t talk about that kind of thing. I’d talk to Mom, and she’d talk to him. I know he would have enjoyed the children I might have had. But we’ve never spoken about it directly.
How about you? How did you break the news to your parents? How did they react? Or have you put off that conversation indefinitely?